partial selfectomy


When I begged for forgiveness
My ulcer began to bleed, again
And your eyes clouded over
With the assumption
That shortly I would
Stop

This ending made it clean
As the dirty bathroom mirror
In which my revulsion dances
Around the spots
Of spat toothpaste
Flecks

When I begged for forgiveness
Your cancer twitched around, again
And your mouth scabbed over
With the assumption
That lately I had not
Begun


It was the only thing left
On the spotlessness here, again
And I am filthy with sadness
About those assumptions
That I cannot remove
There


Like surgery carefully tended
Like toxins carefully administered
Like miniscule breaths blended
In which my revulsion dances
Before my reflection


If I could cut myself out
Purifying my failings, again
Like the cancer you carried
And radiate your wounds
Placing them far away
Forgotten if they could be

Forgiven and forgone
My scalpel would be legend
Dancing with revulsion
Over that amazing callousness
Cultivated in a vacuum
A hose filled with my words

I am a convictionless convict
Striped from the rod laid, again
Opening this invisible flesh
I carry up endless stairs
And place at your feet
Spotless, clean, ministered

Acknowledged and perfect
A fantasy of stopped beginning
Within the rolling veins
Of a stronger penitent
Than these knees can carry
In the face of the scars I give

When I begged for forgiveness
My needs broke your back, again
And I could never look at you
With the innocence
That my days
lost